“And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weekness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.“2 Corinthians. 12:9
In the difficult things of life, it is I those times we need to remember that God’s grace is all we need. It is when we rely on Him, that His strength becomes real in our life. We are weak and frail without Him.
I have experienced this first hand. When my brother passed away, inside I wanted to scream out! I wanted to yell and to shout, “why God, why??? Don’t you know I love him? Don’t you know he was my best friend??? How will I go the rest of my life without him???”
Before he died I remembered saying this, “From the beginning, he was the most constant thing in my life.” When my entire family was ripped apart through foster care, it was just me and him. He was all I had for a long time.
We had a very special bond. Yes, we were two completely different people, with totally opposite interests, who led completely different lives, but when the day was done, we were able to just sort of catch up where we left off. It was that kind of relationship. We both had a special mutual love for one another, like not all brother/sister relationships have.
Even though inside I felt like I should just crumble to pieces and fall apart. I had this odd strength in there… This very strange peace in my heart… So much that I remember barely crying… Actually I oddly couldn’t cry… I wanted too… Inside I was, but it was like God was whispering, “it’s ok, he is right here with me, you will see him again.” So instead of crying and shouting I decided to just rest, to just rest in God’s strength.
I still have my days. In fact, now that it’s been almost 3 year, I think it actually gets harder in ways the longer it’s been. Perhaps simply because I’m experiencing so much more without him. The worse days are when is I see my kids playing and he pops in mind. I know he would just love Josiah. They have so much in common. I just imagine him on the floor with them wrestling around. I picture him painting Charity’s fingernails and getting the pink paint all over her skinny little fingers like he did with Abby. It’s on those days that the tears really just come… But even on those days I’m able to go on.
At first I couldn’t even drive near his house without thinking of him… Actually I could bring myself to drive there at all! I could barely go anywhere without thinking of him. While going to church I pass the restaurant where we went on a brother/sister date just the 2 of us. Sure the restaurant itself is gone, but the building is still there. Memories of him are everywhere!
But it’s ok…
It’s ok, and I’m ok. Why? Only because God’s strength has become perfect in my weakness 🙂 His power is resting upon me. Therefore, I have peace.
Thank you Lord!
“Day by day, and with each passing moment,
strength I find to meet my trial here.
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly, it’s part of pain and pleasure
Mingling toil with peace and rest,
Everyday The Lord himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares he fain would bear and cheer me,
He whose name is Counselor and Power.
The protection of His child and treasure(me),
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made.
Help me then in every tribulation,
So to trust thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation,
Offered my within Thy holy Word.
Help me Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
Ever to take, as from a father’s hand
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land.”
I miss you Buddy!