Im going to be very transparent in this post, because this has been a very real battle I’ve been facing. I have a daughter who will be 3 in less than a week. Ever since she was a baby, we have struggled with her will. She is a very strong willed girl, and has sent us through trials. It wasn’t until recently that I’ve noticed myself becoming very frustrated with her.
We started potty training back in November, and she was determined not to change. This has been one of the most frustrating things to go through, and I have found myself angry on many occasions. I’m not normally an angry person, and since I’ve been saved, it’s one of those things that I just don’t really struggle with all that much, but sadly, this season has been bringing it out in me.
This past year has brought about a lot of new found freedom for her. Many big girl changes have been made. She has switched from a crib to a toddler bed, switched from diapers to panties, switched from a booster seat to a big girl chair, went from rear facing to forward facing, and has begun helping with house hold chores. With each new thing, has added a weight of responsibility with it. Some she has gone about without a fight, others not so much.
Throughout this past year God has really been using this to challenge me. This morning I read a passage that pricked me straight to the heart.
“Let not corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice; And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:29-32
As I read this passage, many scenes from the past year went through my head. Memories of times of anger welling up inside when she repeatedly got out of bed at nap time, or pottied on the floor over and over and not even caring that she was wet, or lashing out at me when I disciplined her, or her ignoring me while I try to talk to her… As I pondered on these things, I begin to recall times where I expressed my frustration to her, or to others about her, and in my heart I hear her say. “Mommy, I’m listening…”
I know deep down that she’s learning from me everyday. She hears and sees all I do and say.
When I read her books, she later turns around and quotes them word for word to her brother as she pretends to read them to him. She hears everything I say.
I’m constantly reminding her to have a good attitude and that she needs to use nice words. Yet in the same breath I find myself having a bad attitude as well.
Lord forgive me where I go wrong, and help her to grow up to love and honor you in spite of my insufficiencies….